How To Minimize the Impact of a Divorce On Children

It’s an emotional and stressful time when you are working with a divorce lawyer in a divorce or separation. The impact of divorce on children can really take a toll on their emotions. They’ll probably feel sad, confused and not know what to do. However, you can reduce the pain felt by your children by keeping an open and positive line of communication with them and your ex-spouse through the transitional period and beyond.

Here are some tips you can follow to minimize the impact of divorce on your children:

• DO NOT involve the children in any disputes or conflicts
• DO NOT ask the children to make adult decisions
• DO NOT use the children to pass messages between parents
• DO try to speak to your children about the divorce or separation together
• DO have consistent rules for children in both homes
• DO support the other parent’s parenting decisions for issues such as discipline or extra-curricular activities
• DO have effective communication between the parents

DO NOT involve the children in any disputes or conflicts

The divorce is between you and your partner. By involving any child in a conflict or dispute, you will only make matters worse for them on an emotional level. The split in your family has dramatically changed their lives. The best thing you can do is to provide stability and consistency in your day to day lives, and not try to transfer any hurt feelings onto your children.

DO NOT ask the children to make adult decisions

After this type of major disruption has occurred, your children still require guidance and discipline. They’re used to you and your ex making all the adult decisions. Ensuring the role they play in decision-making stay the same as before is going to create familiarity and stability.

DO NOT use children to pass messages between parents

At first, it’s going to be awkward for your children to live in two separate households. The urge to use your children as messengers or pull them toward your side may feel like an action you want to take, especially if you’re angry at the other parent. This will only put your children in the middle, which can tear them up emotionally as they love you both.

DO try to speak to the children about the divorce/separation together

While it might be difficult, it’s important to have both parents present when you are speaking to your children about the divorce or separation that’s occurring. This shows that you and your ex are still unified as their parents. It also helps establish the same message and avoids confusion.

DO have consistent rules for the children in both homes

It’s important to work together to set specific rules for your children. This will include aspects such as bedtime, meals and study time. Both you and your ex should make sure that each of your children is following the rules you make. It will help if you discuss why these rules are important and create a parenting agreement if you think it will help.

DO support the other parent’s parenting decisions for issues such as discipline or extra-curricular activities

After your children have experienced a traumatic event such as divorce, they need to have as much consistency brought back as possible. It’s best if you and your ex talk to each other about the rules you’re making for your children. If a decision is made without talking to each other, supporting the other parent’s decision will help create a consistency that’s needed.

DO have effective communication between the parents

Having a positive and healthy line of communication between you and your ex is crucial for the well-being of your children. Even if you’re still angry, it’s important to put the children first and discuss any issues or challenges they may be facing. This can be done in person or by communicating through text messages or email if you’re uncomfortable meeting in person.

By continuing to foster a line of communication that’s positive and open, it will help create stability and a message to your children that they are still loved by both parents. It will take time to heal wounds, but these tips should help.

If you need assistance drawing up a parenting agreement after a divorce or separation, contact Capital City Law today and speak to one of our divorce lawyers experienced in drafting parenting agreements.  Contact us online or by phone at (780) 462-4321 to request an initial consultation.